New Shoes!

One of the biggest upsides to Jake's promotion is knowing exactly how much we'll be getting per paycheck and when it will show up. Yay salary...I learned how to manage a tips/commission based budget, but it wasn't fun.

But the security that a salary check gives me actually means that I feel like I can allow myself a few things that I couldn't rationalize before. So without further ado, my nod to the current shoe fad and my fall flip-flop replacements...

When Medical Records Don't Lie

I picked up my OB records on Friday. We're moving fairly soon and not only did I want to see them for myself, but I would rather have them in hand in case of emergency, not waiting for offices to get their faxes together.

It was hard enough going through them, first, getting misty-eyed over seeing sonogram reports throughout Aedyn's pregnancy and reading the Op report of his birth. Actually seeing the numbers for his cord length. Did you know a normal average umbilical cord for a full term baby is 20 - 24 inches? Aedyn's was less than 6 inches. What a blessing that C-section was!


And apparently I was noted to have a "very prominent sacrum" while they had my uterus outside my body. That first part might have been nice to know before I got pregnant with Jaron since it could have possibly played a big role in why I ended up with a repeat C-sec...the second part I could have gone a lifetime without knowing...yeah.


Then I got to the records of my pregnancy with Jaron and his birth. Very few positive emotions there. Actually none. More like the emotional feeling of a sewer backing up and throwing sludge all over my day. Yup, just like that.


It started with my glucose screening. What they said they told me was not even close to what they actually told me. I know I tend to be more on the hypoglycemic side of things so I knew I would more than pass the test, which I did. But still frustrating to recall that whole mess.

Then I got to the Repeat C-sec. The way it reads is the way it went. No lies, which I was happy about. But no absolution either. I didn't realize that that was what I was looking for until today. I've been engrossed with the records of both pregnancies all day. Trying to find something that even remotely made me stop regretting my decision. Something that was to Jaron what the 6"cord was to Aedyn. Something.


I didn't find it. Reasons like the way my back is naturally arched in a slightly different spot than most people might have been an issue, but that in and of itself might have been able to be overcome; or that I was sitting in triage for nearly 9 hours with no other sign of labor than a high leak and a baby who was very high, high enough that a cord prolapse possibility was mentioned.


I found facts, I found reasons, I found truth...but I did not find absolution.


And here I am rehashing it once again. I just wish I could erase all those notes and call "DO OVER!"






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What has gotten into me? All ya'll are AWESOME!

I've realized over the past few days that I've gotten a lot more bold in certain situations. What on earth happened????

Up until very recently, I held very strong opinions about very many things. Or I'd form strong opinions quickly. Statuses that friends post on Facebook, links, articles, and not just online, but also in person. For now I'm going to stick with Facebook examples though.

But I'd never tell them. Sure, if it were something dangerous or hazardous, I'd mention it. But I'd usually try and find a back door of the conversation to slip it in.

I don't like confrontation! I hate it. I go out of my way to avoid it. Usually I'm good  just by ignoring posts I have a difference of opinion with, I just don't respond and I forget it was even posted. No one knows, no biggie. I'm a people pleaser and a peace keeper.

But in the past week, I've piped up on a vaccine article (ahhh, NO, not the hot topic of the century!). And tonight in one of my Facebook groups I tossed in an opinion on parenting that seems pretty much directly opposite to most of the other 138 opinions in there! Why would I do that?

Oh, and yesterday's post You Want Me to Eat WHAT Exactly? When did I start just laying my opinions out there for open criticism like that??? i'm starting to sound like my husband for goodness sake!

Up until this point, very few people have known how I really feel about anything. I play it safe, I can count on one hand the people that I regularly give a frank opinion to when it conflicts with theirs.

I like it. I'm not afraid anymore of someone criticizing me. And if they do, oh well, I can't be the only one out of the billions of people in the world that thinks that way.

And I blame YOU. In a good way! I'm very grateful to get past that. I really do think it's that all 24 of you, and more, because I see the stats even if you're not "following" stop by on a regular basis. Leave me comments and the come back again. Maybe you don't always like what I say, maybe some days it's downright boring. But I appreciate it, knowing that someone thinks it's worth it to spend time reading what I write has given me a confidence that I'm not even sure I knew I was lacking. Thanks! Ya'll are awesome!

When I was in 7th grade a friend's older sister overheard a conversation I was having, I was pretty passionate about whatever it was and was on a roll. Her words "I didn't even now she could talk that much!" Well, I can and I do. And a whole lot more people are about to find out.

Watch out World, I'm not keeping my mouth shut anymore!






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