11 July 2011

Spanking or Time-Out? Physical Abuse or Emotional Abuse?

If you listen to "them", "they" tell parents not to spank, it borders on physical abuse and is in effective. But if spanking is physical abuse, then isn't time-out bordering on emotional abuse? Are you not telling your child that they are not worth having a relationship with if they can't behave? Does that child become a teenager who makes a mistake and then feels like they won't be welcome at home? Doesn't time-out breed resentment and depression out of being isolated and rejected by those who are supposed to love them unconditionally?
Yes, abuse is exactly what it would be if time-outs were used incorrectly. But used correctly... *WAIT* Did you catch that? "Used correctly" If spanking is used correctly then it also wouldn't be abuse under the stipulation that it is used correctly. So what do we do in a culture and under legislature that tries to make it increasingly difficult to discipline children? Is it any surprise that America's prison system has become more over-crowded as America's children have become more wild, unruly, and downright defiant to parents, teachers, and the law itself? If parent's don't discipline a toddler, then someone else is going to some time. Maybe not until they're an older child getting thrown into juvi, or an adult making their 4th court appearance as a defendant, or maybe they mouthed off to the wrong person one time too many and now they will never speak another word. I spank my boys. Well, I spank Aedyn. Jaron's too young, although he does get his hand smacked if he tries to stick his finger in a light socket after he's been warned. We also use time-out. Both have a place and purpose. A spanking is earned for direct disobedience. Aedyn is told what to do, then he is given a choice, he may choose to obey or he may choose a spanking. Most of the time he obeys, occasionally he tests to see if we'll really follow through. In that case he gets 3 swats, his age plus 1 and we're done. It's quick and it's over, we go back about our lives. He knows the difference between spanking and hitting, and there is a difference. Time--outs we use for attitude issues. Mainly disrespect. We will also give him the choice to stop a temper tantrum or go to his room and get it out of his system, which I consider a time-out. They take longer and can significantly impair our day. They're also harder to enforce when we're out of the house. I would rather cause my children pain now, either physically or emotionally, to keep them from worse pain later. Because I know that I do what I do because I love them, and I am not doing it to break them, but to smooth out their rough spots and shape them into contributing and effective members of society.
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  1. I am a SPANKER! And my kids and I hug and snuggle- we tell each other how much we love each other. I apologize for spanking them and I tell them why I had to do it.... and guess what????
    My kids TELL ME SORRY FOR BEING BAD AND DOING __(fill in the blank)__.

    My pediatrician SUPPORTS spanking. I have spanked in stores- and guess what??? I have people tell me THANK YOU for actually PARENTING my child and that it is REFRESHING to see a mother who DISCIPLINES on almost every occasion it happens (which isn't that often).

    I have friends who don't routinely stay strict with consequences (they only spank when they get mad at their kids)- I can't stand their kids.... love my friends but I hate their parenting style! Their kids are mini terrorists.

    I warn my kids way before the spanking happens. So, when it DOES happen- they are not usually angry with me and they can tell me why I did it.

    I got the belt when I was a kid and got SERIOUS beatings, but I am not that extreme with my kids. Just saying, I was respectful and knew what the boundaries were. I knew their was serious consequences. I'm sorry but timeouts are okay but are horribly ineffective on my kids.

    And I bet- the more sensitive kids (my kids are toughies, not sensitive) if they got spanked ONCE or TWICE they would probably behave better than if put in a time out.

    I LOVE YOUR POST!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    (I was thinking of posting something like yours this week- but now I don't have to! LOL)


  2. We are pretty similar in our style. Our girls get spanked for disobedient behavior after they have been warned. They get timeouts for tantrums and when they are emotionally out of control. I give them a choice to calm down, or sit in time out until they can calm down. I think the biggest challenge can be keeping calm myself some days when you feel like all you've done is say no, spank or put them in timeout all day.......but we also have 2- 2-1/2 year olds to deal with it at once and have one on the way. I have refrained from spanking in public, except at church, due to being skiddish of what someone might say or do in response.

  3. Ok, I was visiting for your Stream of Counsiousness Post, but noticed this post on the side bar and had to read! I agree TOTALLY with this post!

  4. I'm so glad I found your blog! I feel like you and I have such similar views on parenting. I'm excited to read more of your posts!

  5. It's nice to know I'm not the only one! I really thought I'd catch some flak for this one, but I've really gotten nothing but support!


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