My Baby Is Gone! And I'm A Mess.

My. Husband. Cut. My. Baby's. Hair. And now my baby is gone.

In case that didn't get the point across, I've seriously had a hard time with Jaron getting his first haircut.

Jake did it with my grudging permission, so it's not like he snuck off and chopped off those baby strands, but I wasn't ready. I knew that he was going to need one soon and figured it would be in the next couple of weeks since his hair was starting to get close to being in his eyes. Jake's been mentioning cutting it for months now. So I finally caved and let him cut it.

We just did it here at home because Aedyn's first haircut came out horrible even though he sat perfectly still and let the stylist do what she needed to do. And it was at a kid's place, the only one in town. I wasn't doing that again and Jake knows his way around a head of hair, so we just went that route.

Bad idea.

Not because Jake didn't do a decent job (although cutting hair on a Mexican jumping bean might have been easier than cutting Jaron's). But because he did the job in the first place.

*Rabbit trail: A book that I read before we were married described men's and women's brains as visual and emotional respectively. As an example, the book said to think of a rolodex, at any point in time that rolodex can flip open to any moment in the past and the person has no control over that happening. For men that can be pretty much anything they've ever seen that made an impression, for women it's emotions. Any trigger can set off emotions from that past that are as potent as the time they were originally experiences.*

I was upset all day long. Mad, fuming, hurt, upset. I came up with a dozen different reasons for my reaction. The slight unevenness above Jaron's ears to dishes being in the sink to Jake not saying thank you for something the week before (I didn't say they were good reasons...).

I finally realized what was really going on. I wasn't ready to cut his hair. I felt like I was being bullied into doing something to my child that was unnecessary and that what I wanted for him wasn't even being considered. I was reliving my c-section. Don't ask me why cutting Jaron's hair was a trigger, but it was.

And I felt like I was losing my baby. I still feel that way. Every time I look at him. He looks like a little boy now. It feels different when I look down at him while he nurses. I'm struck by how old he looks and yet how tiny he is while he plays with his brother. He looks completely different.

I know that he can't stay a baby forever and I'll never be 100% ready to let him grow up. But I wish I'd held out for another week. Until he really and truly did have hair in his eyes and the need for a haircut was undeniable on every level.

I miss my baby. I wonder if it really was different with Aedyn or if I took out my emotions on the unknowing stylist as I blamed her for ruining his hair. Maybe with the next one, we'll risk the stylist...just so I'm not unexplainably angry at my husband for the following 24 hours.

Have you ever had such an emotional reactions to something that seemed simple and routine? How did you handle it?

Share your thoughts and come join me on Facebook, and Twitter!

There And Back Again

So I've been a bit out of pocket this week.

It's no secret that we've been planning on moving for awhile, we were pretty excited about it. But every time we tried to nail details down, something just wouldn't solidify.

We applied for the apartment, but the office wasn't sure for awhile when it would be ready, so we waited.  And waited.

Then we got the go ahead, and the appointment to sign the lease changed twice. Then we found out that Jake wasn't going to have a day off this week.

Throw some more life in there and things just became chaos.

So this past week I haven't been on Facebook (personal or Blog page) or Twitter and I haven't blogged at all.

I feel horrible about the abrupt stop, but this is the first chance I've really had to catch a breath.

I skipped church and there's a van full of stuff waiting to be unloaded. I'm not worried, God knows I needed rest and the van'll wait till tomorrow.

So that's a bit to catch up. I'll try and post some more this week, maybe not every day, but I'll at least catch up with my BF Blog Hop!

Wish me luck getting everything organized!!!!!!

Stream of Consciousness Sunday ~ Going Back to Merely Awesome

Oreos. Mint Oreos. Yum.

Now that I have that out of way.

I'm not at liberty to get into the gritty details. But this week has been an interesting one, and it doesn't even compare to the yesterday and today.

Our family had something awesome happen a few weeks ago. Then it surged into phenomenal. Or so we thought until yesterday. Now we're back to "merely" awesome. It's a hard place to be. We know that things are so much better than they were a few months ago; more than we even have a right to ask for! But not as big as what we allowed ourselves to get our hopes up and had come to expect. So Jake and I are dealing with the maelstrom that is disappointment, excitement, depression, and elation.

It doesn't make any sense. But we're grateful to be where we are and looking forward to where we're going!

***

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
• Link up your post here.
• Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Toys, Toys Everywhere

At it's best...

I'm so tired of toys. My boys definitely don't have as many as they could have, but there's enough. They're all stored around the edges of the living room. Even when they're picked up and put away, it still feels cluttered.

Here's my dilemma. I want the boys to play out here, I want our family room to be a FAMILY room. But I don't want the mess.

Our house right now is pretty small and the way things are arranged, it's not possible for us to store the toys in their room. We're moving in about a month or so and that will change. It's my chance to change things.

I asked what other moms of toddlers did through Facebook and Twitter (go like and follow, I'll wait...). The response was very mixed, but even the mms who had the toys stored in the bedroom usually had a basket or hidey hole in the living room.

Then I asked about whether or not bedroom play was supervised. The answers were mixed again but @YourVALisa suggested using a monitor. Genius! We've never had or used a monitor but I'm going to start watching Craig's List for one I think.

At it's usual...

And I think I will move the toys to their room. There are a lot of changes that I'd like to make when we move and a big one involves how much TV time they have. I think it might be easier if we are mostly in their room with the toys and the TV is out of sight. Or at least to have that option.

So, even though I think I've made my decision, what do you do? Anythings that I should think about that might make me change my mind? Share your thoughts and come join me on Google+, Facebook, and/or Twitter!

Milk Bubbles & 2 Sleeping Babies

New
Things are changing.... Guess it just felt like it was time to move the furniture around again.

In case you hadn't noticed, let me direct your attention to the top of the page ^ new header. And to either side < > new sidebars. I'll be changing some little details here and there, but I think the biggest ones are done. (If I need your button in my sidebar, let me know!)

What do you think? And for anyone who has Blogger experience, is there any way to center my tabs at the top of the page? Downside of the photos in the header, I can't find a font color that's visible over everything. I'm not really thrilled with the idea of moving them to the sidebar, so any help would be appreciated.

The Reason Why
Basically, I wasn't thrilled with the name Milk Bubbles, I love it for my nursing covers and I think it will do great  if/when we roll out the rest of the products we're developing (aka playing around trying to find something that we like and that works). It just didn't feel right for the blog. Who knows, maybe I'll saddle my breastfeeding posts ith that name as sort of an ongoing series, but for the whole...meh.

I found myself pretty attached to my twitter handle and the more I thought about it, the better it seemed to fit. The most and best of my writing comes when I have 2 sleeping babies. It's that time when I can talk, unwind and be more than Mommy for just a little while. The time when I can kind of pull things back in balance.

So without further ado, welcome to 2 Sleeping Babies!

P.S. I will be getting my own url in the next couple of weeks and then at the beginning of the year I plan to start self-hosting, opinions on who's the best to go with for that?

Questions? Comments? Complaints? Let me hear them!

Put My Money Where My Mouth Is

Well, after thinking, and mentioning, and thinking, and mentioning, and thinking some more, and working out scheduling, and thinking. I finally went back to my local La Leche League.

I'd never planned to stop going, but life got in the way a couple times and then I didn't want to get attached here just in time to move to Tampa. So I just didn't go back after my first meeting. Then things changed, we're no longer moving to Tampa, and I was dragging my feet.

So I decided just to go. I could talk about Leadership after a few meetings, maybe. We'd see. But tonight, our leader asked us to introduce ourselves and say why we sought out LLL.

Ummm... Well, I couldn't bring myself to lie, so I just told the truth. I was there because I'd like to become an IBCLC and LLL Leadership is pretty much the only way for me to do that without moving my entire family. I also told them that I enjoyed the support and the feeling of breastfeeding being normal.

It is pretty refreshing to just be able to talk and hang out and pull my shirt down to feed my baby and not worry whether he pops off to check things out every 2 minutes. I also got to commiserate and swap tips with another mom of a gymnastic nurser.

So I'm in. That's it.

My personality combined with the way I was raised means that when I decide to do something I jump in both feet without holding back. Now I might take awhile to decide I will do whatever it is, I might test things out (that was my plan with this meeting, just see how it went, know one else would know what I was really testing for); but once I say it out loud, once someone else knows, I'm committed.

So, I spoke to one of the leaders tonight. I'll need to participate in meetings covering 2 other topics to complete the series and then we'll get going. But now they know and now I know. And to me that means no easy excuse to skip meetings or talk myself out of going. And it's a good thing.

~~~

Share your thoughts, follow my progress, see what happens when I have two sleeping babies and come join me on Google+, Facebook, and/or Twitter!

Name change? Twitter or Blog?

"Painting" water on green construction paper

I'm pondering again; like I tend to do every few weeks.

I'm planning on redoing the look of the blog again. I'm still trying to decide exactly what I'm going for, but I think I'm going to make it a lot more personal. The background and extras just don't feel right with what I'm normally writing... Hoping to get on that in the next couple of weeks.

So here are questions for ya'll:

1. Too many tabs^ should I stick with just About, Popular, and Contact for now? add a Blog Roll?

2. What are ya'll's opinions on wordpress.org? Any reason I should do that instead of the blog platform of my host?

3. I really like the name of my blog and I really like my Twitter Handle (@2SleepingBabies) but I'd like to get them to match...is the blog name "Milk Bubbles & Two Sleeping Babies" too long and unwieldy? Suggestions?

4. Anything that you would like to see that I haven't added or mentioned yet?

When I first started trying to personalize my blog I didn't really know what I wanted, I just knew what I didn't want, now I think I have a little more direction, but I would love as much input as possible! I'm mainly addressing the look of the blog right now, but I'm also very open to content suggestions...so tell me; What do ya'll want to see here?

Is He Old Enough For A Pet?

Jaron and Thor
the Sugar Glider

Aedyn & Jaron love animals. We've had a few, but within the next few weeks will be an animal free household for the first time in...well, ever. When we rescued the baby Chimney Swift from our fireplace yesterday Aedyn asked to hug and kiss it. He doesn't quite get the birds and fish are not the most cuddly of pets, both boys are entranced by my parent's Sugar Gliders too, but I'm not ready to take on an exotic pet responsibility by a long shot!

I'm an animal lover, Jake is not. Actually, he's the type who doesn't even understand how a human can get emotionally attached to "just an animal." This has often been a point of contention and frustration, even though he does make an effort to see where I (and the majority of the world) am coming from.

When he married me I came with my fur-baby, a Pomeranian named Foxie, and my cat, Risa. Shortly thereafter we added two Beta Fish into the mix. Cerberus, or Cerb, is our 18 month old German Shepherd mix and the final animal resident in our house, we got him as a security measure.

Of all of them Foxie was the only one who was truly my baby, I got her in highschool and had her for 10 years. My parents let me get her in hope that I'd get over Jake, who'd just broken my heart for the first time (it's ok, it all turned out fine in the end). Needless to say she and I bonded and she was my best friend. She'd had some issues and been misdiagnosed as epileptic. We didn' find out until it was too late that she had very treatable Adkins Disease. I lost her in March of 2011. Aedyn recognizes her picture, Jaron never knew her.

Risa, I got while I lived in Mexico, I didn't want to live alone and I couldn't bring Foxie down. She made the 14 hours of flight and 2 week car trip to Jake's house to stay with him until we got married. That started their bad relationship. Recently they finally came to peaceful tolerance when we turned her into an outdoor/indoor cat instead of just indoor. It was great. I gave her to a young 20-something cat-lover a few weeks ago. I miss her, but she really was just a pet to me and I know she's getting alot more pampering and attention where she is now. We're moving into an apartment and didn't think we'd be able to afford the fees. Aedyn still asks on occasion where she is, but he hasn't been terribly bothered. She was tolerant of the boys, but not their best friend.

The fish were Aedyn's and he loved watching them and saying hi. Unfortunately, they were left in the living room last winter. It got down to 29F one night, and we don't have heat anywhere but the bedrooms. The fish are tropical and supposed to remain at about 75F. Oops. Needless to say they didn't make it. Aedyn asked about them for awhile, but hasn't mentioned them in months.

We're looking for a new home for Cerb (if you're local and know someone who wants him, please let me know!) because last time I checked, 60lb dogs were not the best apartment companions for a household that already includes 2 rambunctious boys. He'll be missed because he's a very sweet dog, but I'll be happy when he actually has space to run and someone to give him all the attention that he deserves. He's an outdoor dog, and with our yard, or lack thereof, we don't really get to play with him much, so there's not a whole lot of attachment there.

So. A pet for the boys. That means a small(ish) dog. Ideally, a Shiba Inu. But as I don't know any casual breeders and can't even find a pro breeder locally I doubt that will happen. I've thought and am still thinking about the animal shelter. But I REFUSE to bring an adult dog home when I don't personally know his former family. Young children + dog of uncertain background = not safe. I've considered looking for a puppy, which may happen, but I'm very scared that the tiny puppy will have some hidden elephant in him and will grow far past what anyone will guess. But I haven't totally crossed it off the list. Of course, I'm always open to another pomeranian.

Oh, FYI, Jake's training for a promotion, so the pet fees aren't such a worry anymore.

If we don't get a dog soon, then it's going to be awhile. I want the pup fully house trained and taught manners before Jaron is ready to start potty training. I already tried keeping track of two young creatures who were learning where to go potty at the same time (Aedyn & Cerb). Not doing it again, Lord willing!

I'm thinking Christmas or Aedyn's birthday in February might be good. But I don't know. Am I crazy to want, much less, get a puppy while the boys are still so young? Am I just adding to my stress and work load, or is there payoff? I really would like some company when Jake's working late and the boys are in bed. I like the security of having a dog in the house, even if it's barely big enough to drop-kick.

What do you think? Am I crazy? Do you have any experience or advice on this one?

Share your thoughts and come join me on Google+, Facebook, and/or Twitter!

Please Forgive...

We had a full day of mostly spills and splashes...

Stay tuned for thoughts on when parents disagree about discipline, what major changes are headed our way, and a ton of cute pics showing up on Google+ and Facebook...be sure to follow so you don't miss those!

Come join me on Google+, Facebook, and/or Twitter!

Be back on Thursday!!!!

Aedyn watching "Baby Bird" a chimney swift fledgling
that fell from his nest in our chimney into our fireplace/living room.
Baby Bird has now been safely turned over to the local wildlife sanctuary,
but Aedyn still asks about him...we need to get the kid a puppy...

Chaos in a Bottle

It feels like the past 7 days have been a blur. Normally my weeks go by pretty fast, but this past one, well it sets a record. A lot of things popped up this week that may or may not drastically change our direction and our lives. There's not really anything to say other than that, but that it's resulted in a lot of praying and talking and thinking and hoping and not hoping. We're really at loose ends until probably next week sometime when I should know enough to actually say something.


Being what it is and what it's required, I've been thrown terribly out of routine. I completely missed posting on Saturday, and today's post is about 2 hours late. Now this isn't a horrible thing, but it's been a week where I'm always feeling like I've forgotten something (which normally I have). On top of that, we decided that not only must our dog find a new home, transitioning a 90+lb gangly 2 year old German Shepherd into apartment living just sounds like the plot of a bad horror flick; we decided that we'd try to find my cat a new place too. I don't want to give her up, but we really can't do $300 - $500 in pet fees and deposits, plus her and Jake's relationship is tolerant at best, but typically just functions as either at war or during a cease fire. I'll miss her enough, but both boys think she is the greatest thing ever. I think I see a small dog in their future sometime between Jaron being potty-trained and Baby #3 getting started baking.


Friday and Saturday I thought things might change in such a way that we could keep both animals, but by Sunday it was pretty clear that our next residence will likely be an apartment and I don't do litter boxes, plus she's happier with the freedom to go outside which wouldn't be an option in a complex. This morning I found out that a family will be by to pick the cat up tomorrow. We have a home for the dog too, just waiting on his new family to have a chance to come get him. All this plus craziness with Jaron's new eating habits and some weird diapers...it really does feel like chaos in a bottle these days. 


Tomorrow starts a series of posts on breastfeeding and why I don't like Lactation Consultants. Follow me on Google+, Facebook, or Twitter so you don't miss out on any of the Milk Bubbles that just might make your day that much more special!

Streams of Consciousness Sunday ~ Change and Change Again

House hunting. Apartment hunting. Townhouse hunting. Hunting.
We're looking for a place to live. Again. Nothing new, just trying to figure out what we're looking for. What's in our price range. What we're willing to give up and what we have to have. Right now, my have to have list consists of 2 bathrooms and a fully functioning kitchen, dishwasher preferred, but optional. My ideal...is something more along the lines of fenced yard, decent neighborhood with sidewalks and a nearby park, maybe a community pool.


Then we're met with deciding about our animals. We'd love to take them, but can we justify the extra deposits and fees? So many decisions! Follow me on Google+, Facebook, Twitter so you don't miss out on any of the Milk Bubbles that just might make your day that much more special! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
• Link up your post here.
• Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.