Going With The Flow and Building A Dam

I really don't know how to "officially" describe my parenting style, but it pretty much boils down to listening to my kids, evaluating what they need, and doing what's right for us. That being said, if something doesn't work for the whole family then it doesn't work.

My boys, for the most part, have always been great sleepers. If I can get them to sleep in the first place. Bedtime has been a constant battle since Aedyn was born. A few months ago we restructured our lives into a system that worked and worked well, for awhile.

Aedyn had been pushing his naptime back and wasn't ready for bed when I thought they should go down, but then he slept in later. The sleeping in worked great since Jake closes the restaurant 3 nights a week and it made it easier for me to wait up for him and then we all could sleep in until around 10 or even 11am.

But in the past 3 weeks Aedyn pushed his 10pm bedtime back to midnight. If I tried to get him up int mornings or skip his nap and put him to bed earlier he'd sleep for 2 hours and then be up for 3-4 before he'd be ready to sleep again. Which meant 2am at the earliest. Not cool.

After thinking about it awhile I decided that I might have had a hand in that. Instead of taking him back to his room when he'd wake up after 2 hours I let him sit on the couch with me, mainly because I was to tired to deal with trying to keep him in bed, but I was also afraid he'd wake his brother up with his protestations.

So. We went with the flow. Now it's time to build a dam, because I refuse to stay up until 3am with my 3 year-old who then gets to sleep in while I have to get up and take care of his brother.

So far it's working well, we're having to actually get up in the morning...yuck. I probably won't be able to wait up for Jake anymore. And I'm having to deal with bedtime and naptime resistance. On the upside, attitudes are better and we can do stuff before lunchtime again, I'm hoping that this will work for a few months or years...we will see!



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Your Schedule Isn't My Schedule

Recently I realigned the boys's schedules. While I'm not a big fan of schedules in general I like to have an idea of when they're going o go to bed and wake up. Everything else...meh.

For the longest time I've wanted my evenings free. It was time for me. Jake would typically be at work, the boys would be in bed and I'd have the house to myself to clean, crochet, blog, or whathaveyou.

But then Aedyn stopped going to bed. Or rather, on days he napped he wouldn't go to bed. On days he didn't nap, he'd go to bed, sleep for 2 hours and then be back up until 2 or 3am.

That was when I thought that "everyone" knew what they were talking about when "they" said that kids should go to bed around 7:30-8pm. (Jaron was only sleeping 2 hour stretches at that point, so it really didn't matter when he "went to bed.") But it just wasn't working for us!

I realized that Aedyn has always done better when I've paid attention to his sleep cues, instead of putting him on a schedule. Why did I think that needed to stop once he turned two? Why would I do what's right for my unique family in everything else, but try and fit in a box on this one?

I can tell you without a doubt that it's because I want to do the right thing. I want him to be a well rested, happy little boy. I knew that I might mess him up in many ways, but I wanted to get the sleep thing right. Well...oops.

So I started listening to him.

For the most part, we all get up in the mornings around 10am...it's wonderful! Sunday morning are hard since we have to be out of the house by 8:15, but that should change in the next week or two. We rarely do anything in the morning, but I don't see a problem with that. If it ever becomes an issue we can deal with it then.

 Jaron has finally worked out his kinks napwise and takes one nap now. From about 2/3 pm to 4/5 pm. Aedyn still fights his nap, but if I can time a playground trip after lunch just right, he'll fall asleep without a fuss on the way home.

Bedtime for Jaron is about 9pm with Aedyn following at 10:30pm. I'm still trying to get into a groove of putting them both to bed by myself. Aedyn really wants to lay down with us when I put Jaron to bed, but he can't be still. Jaron, of course, doesn't want to sleep if Aedyn's playing around. When Jake's home he runs interference while I get Jaron to sleep.

I may or may not have some time before Jake gets home on the nights he works, but now that I'm getting an occasional break with both of them napping that time is  not as big of a deal.

So that's it. Your schedule isn't my schedule and my schedule isn't that person's over there. It is what is. We're all happier, we've had fewer temper tantrums overall (Aedyn is still 2...), and everyone is getting better sleep.

Because, believe it or not, when Aedyn went to bed at 7:30 or 8 or 8:30 or 9 he would inevitably wind up awake and tossing and turning in our bed, waking up Jaron and causing general chaos at 3 am. Now that he goes to bed at 10? He comes in our room about 8am and cuddles up to go back to sleep until 10am. Perfect for this family of night owls. I just pray that none of our future children are early birds!!

Have you ever gone against the commonly accepted "best thing"? How did it work for you? Do you think I'm crazy for letting my kids stay up so late?

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